Best Sex Therapist NYC, NJ, and CT
Sex is supposed to be a source of pleasure and fun. But let’s be real, sometimes it can become the exact opposite.
Maybe you and your partner rarely have sex anymore, and neither of you knows how to talk about it. Or perhaps your desire has changed, or anxiety or shame show up the second intimacy begins. It could even be the case that sex has always felt complicated because of pain, trauma, body image, or messages that you learned while growing up.
As an AASECT Certified sex therapist in NYC, I help individuals, couples, and polycules understand what is getting in the way of the sex life they want and figure out what actually feels good and connected for them.
Sex therapy is a place where we can talk openly about the things that sometimes feel too awkward or personal to talk about anywhere else.
And no, you cannot shock me.
Hi, I’m Emily
I’m Emily Lambert Robins, LCSW, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, former attorney, relationship nerd, and firm believer that therapy can focus on deeply meaningful work without feeling painfully clinical.
My style is warm, direct, curious, strength-based, and nonjudgmental. We can talk about erections. Orgasms. Kink. Porn. Open relationships. Not wanting sex. Wanting a lot of sex. Or not really knowing what you want at all.
My job is to help you understand what you want your sexual life to look like and what may be standing in the way.
What Is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on sexuality, intimacy, sexual functioning, communication, and the relational and emotional concerns that impact a person’s sex life.
Nothing sexual happens during a sex therapy session. There is no touching, nudity, demonstration, or observation of sexual behavior.
Instead, we talk.
My approach to sex therapy looks at biological, psychological, and social factors that may be impacting your sex life. Depending on your needs, treatment may also involve education, readings, communication practices, and referrals to medical professionals if appropriate.
You can attend sex therapy individually or with a partner or partners.
Common Reasons People Seek Sex Therapy
We’re all unique, so our reasons for seeking sex therapy also vary. But here are some of the common reasons people seek sex therapy in NYC:
Mismatched Sex Drive
This is incredibly common, and it can also become emotionally painful when couples start to interpret differences in sex drive as rejection or evidence that something is wrong in the relationship.
Premature Ejaculation
Concerns about premature ejaculation can influence confidence and may turn sex into something that feels measured by performance.
Sex counseling can focus on helping address anxiety, communication, expectations, and performance pressure.
Performance Anxiety
Sometimes the more you want sex to “go well,” the harder it becomes to enjoy. Sexual performance anxiety pulls attention away from sensation and pleasure. Psychosexual therapy can reduce this pressure and allow you to focus more on the moment.
Sexual Trauma
Past sexual trauma or abuse may influence a person's sense of safety and boundaries, which can impact intimacy, arousal, and trust.
Trauma-informed sex therapy moves at your pace, and you are never required to disclose details that you aren’t ready to discuss. The goal is to help you have more choice and agency in your present-day relationship with intimacy.
Low Libido
Desire can change for a number of different reasons, including stress, hormones, medication, and exhaustion. In sex therapy, we can explore what may be affecting desire and what your body is trying to communicate.
Difficulty Reaching Orgasm
Sex counseling can explore sexual knowledge, anxiety, pressure, communication, medication, relationship dynamics, or other factors that may be contributing to difficulty reaching orgasm.
Body Image
It can be difficult to stay present during sex when a part of your brain is thinking about things like how your stomach looks from a certain angle. Body shame may impact desire, arousal, comfort being seen, and the types of sexual experiences that you allow yourself to enjoy. In therapy, these issues can be addressed, and confidence can be rebuilt.
Compulsive Porn Use
Porn can become a concern when use begins to feel out of control, interferes with relationships or responsibilities, conflicts with your values, or becomes your primary way of coping. Sex therapy in NYC can help you get to the root of the issue and understand better ways to cope.
Polyamorous Relationships and Consensual Nonmonogamy
Opening and maintaining a nonmonogamous relationship can sometimes bring up differences among partners in communication, boundaries, attachment, and expectations.
I work with polycules and people exploring consensual nonmonogamy from an affirming, nonjudgmental perspective. You can learn more about polyamory therapy here.
Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile difficulties can quickly create a cycle of anxiety in which one difficult sexual experience leads to worry about the next one. Sex and intimacy therapy can help get to the core of the issue.
Pain During Sex
Pain should not be something that you simply tolerate; it may have medical, pelvic-floor, hormonal, or relational contributors.
When pain during sex is a primary concern in treatment, we may work together to decide if collaboration with a medical provider is an appropriate step in treatment.
Kink
Therapy may be helpful when you’re exploring kinky interests, struggling with shame, communicating preferences to a partner, or navigating differences in sexual interests. There is no judgment involved, giving you the space to better understand your preferences.
Shame Around Sex
Sexual shame can come from family messages, religion, culture, or trauma. And sometimes people know intellectually that there is nothing wrong with what they want while still emotionally feeling a completely different story.
Sex Therapy for Couples
Sexual problems rarely stay neatly confined to just sex.
One partner might want sex more often, initiate, and then feel rejected when the other says no. The other may begin to feel pressured and start to withdraw. Couples therapy can help us address the sexual concern while also looking at the relationship around it.
Learn more about my approach to couples therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy.
How Does Sex Therapy Work?
Sex therapy begins by exploring why you’re attending, how long an issue has been going on for, what has been helpful and unhelpful, and then building a fuller picture from there.
If you don’t know what to expect from sessions with a sex therapist, here is an outline of my approach:
1. Schedule a Consultation Call
The first step to getting started is to schedule a consultation call. This free consultation call allows you to ask questions, talk about your goals for therapy, and see if I feel like a good fit as your sex therapist.
2.Book a Session
If you feel like I’m a good fit for your needs, yo2.u can schedule your first session. And as I provide online sex therapy in NYC and the surrounding areas, we can make sure this session fits your schedule.
3.Figure Out What Is Maintaining the Problem
Sometimes the original cause of sexual difficulty is not the same thing that is keeping it going, and over time, the original issue may become part of a larger pattern. Understanding this pattern gives us more places to intervene.
4.Build a Plan That Fits You
Depending on your goals, therapy homework may include communication exercises or other relationship skills. Over time, you should start to feel more aware of, connected to, and satisfied by your sex life.
Online Sex Therapy in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut
You do not need to get on the subway or battle traffic before talking about your sex life.
I provide online couples sex therapy, as well as therapy for individuals and polycules throughout New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut.
Virtual sessions can be especially helpful for couples coordinating busy work schedules and anyone who would feel more comfortable discussing intimacy from the privacy of their own home.
If you’re ready to explore your sexuality as an individual or as part of a couple, you can schedule a free, no-obligation consultation with me, and we can take it from there.
FAQs about sex therapy
Let’s face it, the idea of sex therapy can bring up a lot of questions. To help, here are answers to some of the most common questions I receive:
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Sex therapy is focused on concerns for individuals, couples, and polycules, involving sexuality, intimacy, desire, pleasure, and communication.
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Yes, sex therapy can help people better understand and address sexual and intimacy concerns, but results depend on the issue, individual needs, contributing factors, and participation in treatment.
My goal is not to guarantee a specific outcome. It’s to help you understand what is happening so that you can build a sex life that feels healthier and more satisfying.
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It depends on the insurance plan. I do not bill insurance directly; this allows us to tailor therapy to your specific needs without feeling bound by companies’ regulations. However, I can provide a superbill that you may submit to your insurer for possible out-of-network reimbursement.
Ready to Talk About Sex?
As a sex therapist in New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut, I help individuals, couples, and polycules talk about the things that may feel difficult to say out loud and create a sex life that feels more authentic and fulfilling.
You don’t have to keep questioning if your sex life is supposed to feel this hard. If you’re ready to talk about it and move toward more satisfied, connected intimacy, I’m more than happy to help.